Please join us for a Cocktail Party to celebrate the forced end of our relationship.
Because it's okay to say New Orleans had it coming, but it's not okay to say Jewish people did.
(Because there's no way anyone from New Orleans is ever voting for the man who celebrated his birthday when their neighbors died).
New York Times, June 2000:
''I would work with our friends in OPEC to convince them to open up the spigot, to increase the supply,'' Mr. Bush, the presumptive Republican candidate for president, told reporters here today. ''Use the capital that my administration will earn, with the Kuwaitis or the Saudis, and convince them to open up the spigot.''
Asked why the Clinton administration had not been able to use the power of personal persuasion, Mr. Bush said: ''The fundamental question is, 'Will I be a successful president when it comes to foreign policy?' ''
He went on to suggest, as he did in answer to other questions, that voters should simply trust him.
"This is about pushing a blatant sexual agenda -- including sex changes that involve cutting off body parts -- upon impressionable schoolchildren as young as kindergarten."
"Marriage is a natural and beautiful institution between a man and a woman. It's wrong for judges and politicians to destroy marriage, which is the very foundation of society."
"You can't just tell children that they come from monkeys and to forget all about any other theory for how life began and the incredible design of the universe and the human body."
"It's not gay, it's bad."
"You need a man and a woman to have a baby. You need a man and a woman to have a marriage."
I want the next President to get us out of Iraq. I want the President to have a pragmatic Israel/Palestine policy that will not involve blind eyes and empty buzz words. I want my next President to stop the Don't Ask Don't Tell. And I want my next President to end the losing war on drugs. And by the way, stop the war on sex, too.
I know it's a lot to ask, and I haven't even touched on economic matters. And I know you've had a tough few weeks and a tougher battle still awaits you.
So tonight, I'm not going to ask any of these things. Instead, let me just congratulate you.
But if and when you are the President, remember my wish list. Keep me in your thoughts. I know I'm just a man with a list, and I know all I can do is imagine you can hear me. But I have to believe I'm not the only one.
Sincerely,
Thank you, Mr. Bush, for stimulating the economy with this money you're giving me out of the kindness of your heart. Future historians will speak of your benevolence. And... I know your plan depends on this money only visiting my account for a short time (from now until Mother's Day? Was it a coincidence that you gave me this money sooner than planned?). And I just want to say I will do that. I will not keep this money in my account for long.
But I'm afraid I will not use that money for a Mother's Day present, either.
See, I'm just an average guy. As such, my family can't make ends meet. It's simply not working. We're trying harder and end up a little lower every month. A little closer to the fall.
We bought a house, and then one day our mortgage rose by $500 a month. And no one told me a child costs so much. And the dog is still limping and might needs a surgery. And is it time to call Sallie Mae for another student loan deferment? And the small print from my bank tells me my APR will go up in a month. Just because they can.
So I don't want to sounds ungrateful. Thanks for the $600. But the Mother's Day necklace will have to wait another year.
